One would think that after being raised as a missionary kid
and moving more times than I can count I would be good at this.
Surely after 15+ moves I would be good at the packing up,
saying goodbye, transition, etc.
And yet…
I find myself at a loss once again.
How does one say goodbye to a place where I have a history
(something that I have never really had)?
How does one say goodbye to people who have known and loved
me and my family for 18+ years?
How does one say goodbye to an area of the country that you
have grown to love?
How does one say goodbye to a church and a home?
The reality is there is no good way to say goodbye. And honestly, if I have learned anything from
all my moves it is that you actually can’t fully say goodbye in the
moment.
It is impossible to fully absorb all that is happening in
the moment.
Impossible to know what life will look like after.
Impossible to know the void.
Impossible to know the joys that await.
Everytime I say goodbye I realize how inadequately I do
it. Although I am not sure there is a
“right” way. You learn early on some of
the things that help you. I have learned
to relish the last weeks/ days. The
drives, the services, loved ones stopping by, favorite spots, etc. Because if you wait until the very end life
is too crazy and emotions are too high, so soak in the last “normal” days
before the craziness hits. And yet, it
still always takes me by surprise.
As I walk through this again and prepare to do it once more
this summer as I return to Germany,
I ask Jesus again for His grace and strength to walk this road well. I have found myself asking Him to keep my
heart tender even though at times it seems easier to harden. While there is grief there is also hope and the many comforts He provides along the way. Goodbyes remind me that I was not made for this earth. We were not created to say goodbyes. Our true home is with Him. And while my humanity is crying out for a
home, a place to settle, a place to call my own, I am thankful for the reminder
that this world is not my home. We are
supposed to be “homesick.” So as I say goodbyes
again, I am thankful to the One who holds all my tomorrows. I am thankful for the reminder that I belong
to Him. And that while following Him is
not always easy, there is no better place to be.
